Home Alone
Awww.... He called her "bacon!"
Air date May 21, 2012
Written by Fluffydragonpuppy
Other episodes by the author

Maulmart Hijinks

{{{Episode 2}}}



When Red and Blue leave Emily home alone at the apartment, she throws a wild, unsupervised, noisy party and gets drunk.


(Story begins in Red and Blue's apartment. Emily is sleeping over, and it is morning. Emily is gleefully jumping on her bed while listening to "How We Do" by Rita Ora.)

Blue: Emily! Breakfast is ready!

Emily: Yuss!!! (She flips off her bed, turns off the music, and runs to the table.)

(Red, Blue, and Emily are now sitting at the coffee table eating breakfast.)

Blue: So Emily, tonight Red and I are going to a concert, and-

Emily: OH MY GOD!!! Is it a One Direction concert?

Blue: (Thinking) Ugh, girls these days! (out loud) No, and if it was, I'd tell you.

Emily: (filling up her glass with orange juice) Oh. So, what were you saying before I interrupted you?

Blue: You're going to need to remember a few rules of the apartment.

Emily: (rolls her eyes) Like not to talk to strangers? Haven't I told you about that whole "stranger danger" thing I did in 3rd grade?

(Blue and Red look at each other for a minute.) Blue: Okay, I guess you have it all down.

Emily: (inhales her sausages like Kirby, then swallows) (Leans back in her seat smiling) (Thinking, voice echoes) I wonder what I'll do while Red and Blue are at that concert. I'll be alone in the apartment, so maybe I could get away with doing something crazy! Yeah! Wow, I sound so cool like this. Hello! GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Red: Wow, Emily, that was AWESOME! I've never seen anyone swallow that much sausage before! (Red high-fives Emily)

(Time lapse. Emily is sitting on the couch playing Modern Flame War 3 as Red and Blue are standing in the doorway of the apartment.)

Red: All right Emily, we'll be back at 12:30 AM. Call us if anything goes wrong and remember, no illegal activity.

Emily: (laughs) Yeah, right! I've never gotten involved with the police in my entire life! What could possibly go wrong?

Blue: Oh, I don't know. Anyway, you have my number and Red's too, so you can text us at any time.

Emily: (Playing Modern Flame War 3) B00M! Headshot!

Blue: (walks over to Emily and tousles her hair) Aw, that's my girl!

(Emily starts laughing.)

(Blue walks back to the doorway.)

Blue and Red: Okay, Emily! Bye!

Emily: Peace out!

(Blue and Red close the door and leave.)

Emily: (Shuts off Modern Flame War 3) Well, now that I'm home alone... IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!


Emily: (laying upside down on her bed) Hmm... What to do. A-ha! (Emily jumps up as a lightbulb appears above her head) I'll throw a party!

(Emily floats to the coffee table to grab her iPhone.)

Emily: Now if I'm gonna have a party.. I gotta invite people. (Emily calls Broseph.)

Broseph: (on the other line, Broseph is sitting at a table.) Hey, Emily.

Emily: (laying on Red's bed.) Hi, Broseph.

Broseph: So what's shakin', bacon?

Emily: Red and Blue are at a concert right now, so I'm home alone and I'm... Kind of throwing a party. Wanna come?

Broseph: (jumps up from his seat) Definitely!

Emily: Great! Come over and we'll make plans for the party. Bye!

Broseph: Bye! (hangs up)

Emily: (Hangs up also. She then plays "Angry Birds" on her phone until Broseph arrives.)

(Broseph walks into the apartment.) Broseph: Hey, Emily!

Emily: Yo, Broseph! Ready to PARTY?

Broseph: Yeah, I'm ready to party!

Emily and Broseph: (in unison) YAY-YUHH!!

(Time lapse. Broseph is sitting on the couch with Emily lying across his lap.)

Broseph: So, we're gonna need some food.

Emily: I guess that means I have to order like, five pizzas, since I'm inviting everyone I know.

Broseph: And I'll order Chinese food!

Emily: Niiiiiiice! (high-fives Broseph) By the way, should there be drinking?

Broseph: Sure!

Emily: Even though I'm 12, I'm gonna drink anyway!!!! (starts giggling)

Broseph: And who else is invited?

Emily: (opens up to the "Favorites" section on her iPhone)

Broseph: (scrolls through the phone numbers) All of them?

Emily: (smiling) Mmm-hmmm.

Broseph: All right, I think we're all set!

Emily: I guess that means I'll call the people!!

Broseph: And I'll call in the food!

(Rock And Roll" plays while Emily floats in the air while calling people, and Broseph orders the pizzas and the Chinese food. Pink arrives, then Stacy, then a bunch of other people. Eventually, everyone arrives.)

Emily: Alright everybody, who's ready for some ROCK AND ROLL?

(Everyone screams loud. Emily puts a CD in the stereo, and 5 seconds later, "Stereo Hearts" starts playing. Emily starts jumping on the couch.)

Broseph: Hey, Emily. I'm gonna get drunk. Care to join me?

Emily: Sure! It couldn't be so bad. (jumps off the couch and gets some alcohol) ALCOHOL!!!!


(About one-third of the people at the party are drunk. Emily is so tipsy, everything someone says makes her laugh.)

Broseph: (drunk. He hobbles over to a chair and starts hugging it.) Aw, I- I love you man!

Emily: (drunken singing to the tune of Mambo No.5) A little bit of Broseph in my life, a little bit of Darla by my side, a little bit of Stacy's all I need, a little bit of Jesse's all I see, a little bit of Stephen in the sun, a little bit of Raccoon all night long, a little bit of Lord Tourettes, here I am, a little bit of Wolf makes me oh man!

Stephen: (also drunk) Hey Emily! Hey- hey Emily!

Emily: What is it? What is it?

Stephen: Let's do the conga!

Emily: Yeah!! E - Everyone line up behind me!! (Emily turns on "Feeling Hot Hot Hot," then everyone lines up behind Emily for a drunken conga line.)

(Red and Blue walk in the door.)

Red: OK, Emily, we're ho-

Red and Blue: (at the same time) WHAT THE HELL!

Blue: Oh my God, Emily!!

Red: Emily, get over here right now!

Emily: (walking over to Blue) (drunken, giggly voice) I'm Blue, daba-dee-daba-die!

Blue: (picks up Emily and holds her in his arms) Girls your age should not be drinking!!!!

Emily: Hahahaha... It looks like your shirt is breathing.

(Blue and Red look over at the party)

Red: I don't know about you, but I'm joining the party.

Blue: Yeah, me too.

(Emily squirms out of Blue's arms and back-handsprings her way to the stereo. Red and Blue run to the party and start drinking while Emily puts a One Direction CD in the stereo.)

- Episode Ends -

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