Plot[]
| But I... | |
|---|---|
 What? | |
| Air date | 5-11-14 |
| Written by | AndrewBrauer |
| Directed by | AndrewBrauer |
| Location | City |
| Other episodes by the author | |
This is Anarchy |
Black Syndrome |
Alice has an important interview to help get her book published, but she ends up stranded in a very sticky situation, let's just say that.
Rating: TV-MA
- Violence
- Brief Nudity
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
Characters[]
- Alice (Main Protagonist)
- Molly
- Emma
- Simon (Mentioned)
- Mr. Black (Semi-Antagonist)
- Sarah Connors (Semi-Antagonist)
- Chad Cop
- Mr. Grayson
- Chad
- Red (Cameo)
- Blue (Cameo)
- Bruce (Mentioned)
- Street Gang Members
- Beach Dudes
- Blink (Cameo)
- Pink (Cameo)
Transcript[]
3:00 PM
On a Thursday
(Opens with a gray man with a mustache talking to Alice in an office)
Gray Man: So Alice, this is your story.
Alice: Yes, everything I wrote is in there.
Gray Man: What exactly is your purpose for writing this.
Alice: Well, it's kinda of personal, it involves a friend of mine and another woman.
Gray Man: Sounds juicy.
Alice: Oh trust me, it gets pretty whacky.
Gray Man: Whacky as in…
Alice: You'll just have to read the story to find out.
Gray Man: Okay, well I'll look over this and I'll call you for when the next time we'll meet will be.
Alice: Excellent, thank you Mr. Grayson.
(Alice shakes his hand and leaves the office, she is shown walking down the street with the song Diffiuclt playing in the background, this lasts for fifteen seconds, Alice opens the front door into her apartment, and finds Molly in her room naked with the blanket covering any nudity)
Molly: (Tired) Hey crazy bitch, where have you been?
Alice: (Goes into Molly's room) A book publisher, my book "This is Anarchy" could be published all over the country.
Molly: You're book about how you're still crazy about your ex-boyfriend, and how his girlfriend is not human?
Alice: Yes, the publishers happen to like my crazy, but true mind.
Molly: Seriously?
Alice: Yeah, crazy is the new cool.
Molly: (Concerned) Alice, I think you need to unwind and have some fun, let's go out tonight with Emma for a girl's night.
Alice: Really?
Molly: Yeah, it'll be fun, but if you wanna score, you gotta wear something slutty.
Alice: Like what?
(Cuts to Alice getting out of the bathroom wearing a yellow dress showing cleavage) Alice: This feels tights.
Molly: Hey, sluts like things tight.
(Cuts to four hours later, Molly, Alice, and Emma walk into a club called "Cities & Bitches")
Alice: What kinda of name is Cities & Bitches?
Emma: A place for bitches in cities, it's perfect.
Molly: That about sums up the title.
(Molly, Alice, and Emma approach the bar and the song We Run The Night is about to start)
Molly: Time for shots!
Emma: Drink bitches!
(Molly, Alice, and Emma each take a shot of tequila and shows a montage of them dancing, smoking crack in a booth, with Emma showing red eyes, taking two more shots of tequila, and then Molly pukes on the man in front of her, he turns around and it turns out to be Blue looking mad, the song Ain't a Partythrough the montage for about thirty seconds, it then cuts to Molly puking in a bathroom stall)
Molly: (Yells) I hate drinking!
(As Molly continues to puke, it cuts to Alice sitting at the bar looking slightly drunk, and Red approaches Alice)
Red: Hey you looking like a good bitch tonight, wanna go back to my place?
Alice: (Slightly Drunk) Oh Fuck yeah, hold on I gotta find my friends.
(Alice leaves the bar and ends up going outside on a balcony a story up, as she goes outside, the door suddenly closes behind her)
Alice: Are you fucking kidding me?
(Alice continues to try and open the door, and then a couple seconds later, a sky blue man with a front cap from below calls her)
Sky Blue Man: Miss, are you stuck up there?
Alice: (Frustrated) Yes Mister, I'm stuck, can you please…
(Alice walks to the left of the balcony, which the floor suddenly collapses and she falls to the ground looking hurt)
Alice: Ah come on!
(The Sky Blue Man approaches Alice and helps her up)
Sky Blue Man: Anything broken?
Alice: No, just bruised very badly. (Laughs weakly for a second)
(Cuts to Alice and the Sky Blue Man walk to his car)
Alice: What's your name?
Chad: Chad.
(Alice looks frightened for a second)
Alice: Last name?
Chad: Harris.
Alice: Oh, sorry you got me confused with some other guy named Chad.
Chad: Well are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?
Alice: I'll be fine, thank you anyway.
Chad: Let me at least take you home, where do you live?
Alice: Where do you live?
(Chad smirks for a few seconds and it cuts to the two walking inside his apartment, he slams the door as she starts to make out with her, the song Backseat Freestyle begins to play in the background)
Chad: You've must've been wanting to get some tonight.
Alice: No shit.
(Alice and Chad continue to make out, it then shows a montage of them kissing in bed, he takes off his hat, the two get under the covers and giggle implying that sex is happening, then Chad is seen thrusting on Alice, with his arms covering her breasts, this last for thirty seconds, then the music stops and it shows Alice waking up in Chad's bed with a blanket covering her, he's asleep and it then shows Alice's arm grabbing her yellow dress on the floor, it then cuts to her looking in a bathroom mirror checking her hair, suddenly her phone rings)
Alice: (On the phone) Hello?
Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Alice, it's Grayson, I have to leave at noon later today, so can you come into the publisher's office before then, I wanna give you my opinion on you're story.
Alice: (On the phone) Hold on, what time is it?
Mr. Grayson: Three in the morning.
Alice: (Surprised) Shit, oh I'm sorry, I'll be there as quick as I can.
(Alice hangs up phone and she walks out of Chad's apartment in her yellow dress, but she realizes that she forgot her purse in his apartment)
Alice: Are you fucking kidding me, why now!?
(Alice tries to buzz back into Chad's apartment several times, but nothing happens)
Alice: Great, now I have no money, ID, or cellphone, what do I do now?
(Alice walks down the street and sees various people in a neighborhood ahead of her)
Black Man: Hey bitch, what are you doing here? You a hooker?
Alice: I need help, I lost my ID, Cellphone, everything, I just need to get a ride to somewhere please.
Black Woman: You realize what kind of neighborhood you're in, Bruce rules these streets.
Alice: (Confused) Who?
Black Man: You better rethink that question, otherwise we'll call one of the homies to go apeshit on your ass.
Alice: Okay, I'm leaving.
(Suddenly police show up, everyone except for Alice runs away, a police officer approaches Alice)
Police Officer: Ma'am put your hands in the air.
Alice: Officer I didn't do anything, you must believe me, I just need a ride to Grayson's Publishers Office.
Police Officer: (Looks at Alice's dress for a few seconds) Ma'am do you know that you're on the most wanted list.
Alice: (Confused) What!?
Police Officer: We're gonna have to bring you into the station for questioning.
Alice: (Confused) For what? I didn't do anything! But I...
Police Officer: (Handcuffs Alice) You have the right to remain silent, anything you do or say will be used against.
(Cuts to Alice in an interrogation room sitting handcuffed to a table)
Alice: (In her head thinking) What could I be in here for?
(Chad Cop suddenly enters, Alice looks nervous)
Chad Cop: Alice, didn't expect to see you here.
Alice: (Nervous) Uhhh, listen I'm being accused for something I didn't do so can you…
(Chad Cop suddenly changes into Sarah Connors and Alice looks even more worried)
Sarah Connors: Calm down, I'm gonna get you out of here.
Alice: (Confused) Wait, what?
Sarah Connors: Shut up, now I'm gonna transform back into Chad Cop, and bring you into a cop car, you don't say anything, got it?
(Alice nods her head, it then shows Chad Cop bringing Alice outside in handcuffs and they both go in Chad Cop's Car)
Alice: Thank you, but I got a…
(Suddenly Chad Cop transforms into Sarah Connors, and grabs Alice by her neck and thrusts her into the backseat)
Sarah Connors: This was you're final warning, next time you interfere with the plan, your dead!
(Alice grows scared, then while driving Alice gets thrown out of her car and is shown in front of her apartment)
Alice: (To herself) I can't believe no one believes me, that bitch needs to die.
(When Alice gets to her front door, she realizes that she doesn't have any keys)
Alice: Shit, I hope Molly is inside.
(Alice knocks on the door, and a local street artist opens the door and immediately has a pistol pointed at her face)
Local Street Artist: Who the fuck are!?
Alice: (Scared) Alice, I live here!
Local Street Artist: Shit!
(The Local Street Artist knocks out Alice by pistol whipping her in the face, he picks her up and puts her in the trunk of his car, after driving off, Alice wakes up in the trunk)
Alice: (Scared) Oh My God! Where am I!?
Local Street Artist: (From in the car) Shut up bitch!
(After a couple seconds of silence, the trunk opens)
Alice: Can you tell my why you kidna…
(The trunk opens and Alice gets punched in the face and is knocked out, she is then picked up again and they go inside a factory, Alice is dropped on a floor)
Local Street Artist: Wake up, bitch!
(Alice gets up, looking hurt)
Alice: Where Am I?
Local Street Artist: Quiet! He's coming!
(Suddenly Mr. Black shows up in front of Alice)
Mr. Black: What a pleasant surprise to see you here.
Alice: (Confused) You, how did a…
Mr. Black: (To Street Artist) Thank you my amigo for bringing me my request.
Local Street Artist: You're welcome… (Suddenly gets shoot in the head with a pistol by Mr. Black)
Alice: (Shocked) You shot him!
Mr. Black: (Uninterested) Meh… he didn't have much family.
Alice: You sicko!
Mr. Black: Hey! You play nice girl.
(Mr. Black grabs Alice and puts her in front of a flowing stream of water into a sewer)
Alice: (Scared) What are you gonna do to me?
Mr. Black: Torture you, what do you think?
Alice: What!
(Mr. Black shoves Alice's head into the water for about four seconds and brings her back up)
Mr. Black: Ask anymore and you'll stay in the water longer.
Alice: (Coughing) Okay.
Mr. Black: Now, how much do you know about the organization of terrorism?
Alice: Wait, what organization?
(Mr. Black shoves Alice's head into the water for about five seconds and brings her back up)
Alice: (Coughing) Nothing, I don't even know what you're talking about!
(Suddenly several agents come in, and Mr. Black accidentally kicks Alice into the stream of water going into the sewer)
Mr. Black: Fuck!
(Mr. Black gets shot with a tranquilizer, it then cuts to Molly and Alice's apartment and someone is knocking on the door, Molly goes to the door to answer it)
Molly: (Tired) Ugh! I'm coming!
(Molly opens the door and it turns out to be Chad)
Molly: Who are you?
Chad: I'm Chad, does Alice live here?
Molly: Yeah, but she hasn't been home yet, which is odd since it's almost eight.
Chad: (Holding Alice's purse) Well, she left her stuff at my place, so I'm just giving it back to her so…
Molly: Alright, I'll make sure she gets this.
(Molly looks through the purse)
Molly: Wait a minute, she has everything in here including her cellphone and wallet.
Chad: Really?
Molly: Yes, Oh my god where is she?
Chad: I don't know, I thought she came here.
(Molly pulls out her house key that was in her purse)
Molly: How can she get in when her house key is in her purse.
Chad: She probably thought you would answer the door?
Molly: I just got home and found the place robbed and…
Chad: Hold on, it was robbed? What if she…
(Molly stares at Chad for a few seconds)
Molly: Oh no!
(Cuts to Alice in the sewer water stream as the water continues to flow)
Alice: (Gasping) HELP!
(As the water continues to flow, Alice notices that the water is about to be dumped into a hole)
Alice: Holy Shit!
(Molly and Chad go inside Emma's apartment and find her drunk in bed with beer bottle next to her and her top off)
Emma: (Drunk) That was the best night ever!
Molly: Emma, have you seen Alice?
Emma: (Drunk) No, and who the fuck is this guy?
Chad: I'm Chad, I helped her get home.
Emma: (Drunk) Well you did a great fucking job cause she ain't here.
(Emma pukes on her bed, it then cuts to Alice in the sewer trying to swim in the opposite direction, but the flow is too strong)
Alice: (Has water splashed on her) GAH! This tastes like shit!
(Cuts to Molly, and Chad at the police station, talking to a Blue police officer) Chad: Officer please, have you seen this woman)
(Molly shows a picture of Alice)
Blue Police Officer: Oh yeah, we brought her in, it turns out it was the wrong person we were looking for.
Molly: Do you know where she is?
Blue Police Officer: I'm sorry Ma'am but we have no clue where she is.
(Cuts to Alice holding onto a pipe on the wall in the sewer water)
Alice: (Yells) HELP!!!
(Suddenly she slips and falls into the hole, where she then ends up flying out of a pipe and onto the beach)
Alice: (Angry) Oh my god this is where all our shit goes!?
(Cuts to Molly and Chad walking on the sidewalk in downtown)
Molly: Where on earth could she be?
Chad: Don't know, California is a big state.
Molly: You mean Los Angeles is a big city.
Chad: Yeah but California's cities are huge.
Molly: Whatever. (After a few seconds of silence) So how do you know Alice?
Chad: I met her last night, she was stuck somewhere and I got her down, kinda of.
Molly: And I'm guessing you two went back to your place to fuck?
Chad: Pretty Obvious huh?
(Molly shakes her head in agreement)
Molly: God, I hope she's alright.
(Cuts to Alice walking on the beach looking dirty and tired)
Alice: (To herself) Why is this all happening?
(Suddenly two beach dudes approach Alice)
Beach Dude One: Dumpster Dive!
Alice: What?
Beach Dude Two: Time to Dumpster dive?
(The Two Beach Dudes pick up Alice and throw her into a dumpster behind Putain Deliceux)
Beach Dude One: Sweet! Let's just get a couple more and we can have an orgy!
Beach Dude Two: Fuck yeah!
(The two beach dudes leave as the dump truck comes in and picks up the dumpster with Alice in it)
Alice: Are you fucking kidding me!
(The dump truck dumps Alice and all the garbage in the truck)
Alice: (Yells) HELP!!
(Molly and Chad head to Putain Deliceux, and hear Alice yelling)
Chad: (Notices the yelling) Is that Alice?
Molly: I think it is.
(Molly and Chad run to the back and hear her in the dump truck)
Molly: (Yells) Alice!
Alice: Molly! Are you there?
Molly: Yes! What are you doing?
Alice: I would tell you but I'm about to be crushed by all this trash, get me out of here!
(Molly and Chad get on the back of the truck and pull Alice out, but she has her foot stuck)
Alice: Hurry!
Molly: You're really stuck in there!
(Molly and Chad pull a little harder and get Alice out and they all fall to the ground)
Molly: (Gets Up) You got to tell me everything, what the hell happened to you!?
Alice: No! What I need to do is get to the publisher's office! What time is it.
Chad: (Checks his watch) It's ten right now.
Alice: Shit! Wait you're Chad right?
Chad: Yes. But why do you need to know the time?
Alice: The guy at the publisher's office is leaving the airport at noon, Now I don't have time to clean up and meet him.
Molly: Well let's just meet him at the airport, but we have to be quick.
Alice: How are we gonna get there?
(Notices the two beach dudes get out of their jeep)
Beach Dude One: Let's go bone some chicks!
Molly: I got an idea.
(Molly, Alice, and Chad approach the two beach dudes)
Molly: Hey boys!
(The two beach dudes look at Molly)
Molly: Gimme the keys to your Jeep and I'll show you my bra.
Both Beach Dudes: DEAL!
(Molly shows them her bra strap, a few seconds later one of them throws Molly the keys)
Molly: That's what so great about teenagers, they will do anything just to get a hint of a boner.
(Molly, Alice, and Chad drive away with the song Difficult continuing to play from earlier)
Alice: He's probably on his way to the airport right now.
Molly: (While Driving) You smell like shit by the way.
Alice: Shut up!
(A montage shows them evading other cars and driving through red lights, this lasts for about fifteen seconds, they soon arrive in the departures drop off at the airport)
Alice: (Gets out of the jeep) Where the fuck is he?
Chad: Did he leave?
Molly: Impossible we still have about an hour and a half left.
(Blue, Pink, and Blink are shown walking by them)
Blink: Mommy, Daddy, what is that? (Points at Alice)
Pink: Oh Blink, that's something you won't understand until you're older and if you make dumb choices.
Alice: Hey!
Blue: Alice, what are you doing here?
Alice: Blue, it's a long story…
(Suddenly a cab starts to hits Alice, but Chad pulls her out of the way, the guy getting out of the cab is Mr. Grayson)
Alice: Mr. Grayson!
(Mr. Grayson turns around and sees Alice)
Mr. Grayson: Alice, what happened to you?
Alice: Oh this, it's nothing. I'm just glad I got to see you in time.
Mr. Grayson: Well, I'll make it quick.
(Mr. Grayson pauses for a few seconds)
Mr. Grayson: I think you need to improve on your writing, but I gotta say…
(Mr. Grayson pauses for a few seconds)
Mr. Grayson: …I like you. We'll work on publishing once I get back.
Alice: (Excited) That's great, thank you! I would hug you but you have a flight to catch.
Mr. Grayson: And you look like you went through some kind of night.
Alice: Yeah, you could say that.
Mr. Grayson: Okay well I'll see you in a couple weeks.
Alice: Great, see you then.
(Mr. Grayson goes into the airport)
Molly: Oh my god!
Alice: I know, I'm gonna be an author!
(Molly is about to hug Alice, but decides not too since she looks disgusting with garbage all over her)
Molly: And you need a shower.
Alice: No shit.
Chad: So, that's great that your book is gonna be published.
Alice: Yeah, listen thank you for helping me, I owe you so much.
Chad: How about a date sometime?
Alice: Great! Uh.. Molly can you give me my phone out of my purse.
(Molly gives Alice her phone)
Alice: Just put your number in, I'm too tired to tell you my number.
Chad: (Uses Phone) Alright, it's in. Hope to see you soon.
Alice: (Blushes) Me too.
(Chad calls for a cab and drives away, it then cuts to Molly and Alice in the jeep driving off)
Molly: So tell me everything that went down last night.
Alice: God, there's so much to tell. There was the fucking, and the sewer, and the police, and that dumb bitch Sarah Connors, and so much.
Molly: You know what, how about I tell you about my night. It started with…
(Molly notices Alice asleep)
Molly: Whatever, at least she's happy.
Created By AndrewBrauer
Written By AndrewBrauer
-Lightshow Episode 13-
Trivia[]
- The debut episode of Chad
- One of the rare episodes where none of the main male characters show up.
- The debut episode of Mr. Grayson.
- Inspired by the film "Walk of Shame" which came out last week in theaters.
- The second time Alice is the main protagonist, the first being WTF.
- Features the most music in one episode.
- Alice now owns a slutty yellow dress.
Gallery[]
